tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29216596337616839012012-02-16T18:54:10.586-08:00SaElWahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00448291289965853294noreply@blogger.comBlogger171100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2921659633761683901.post-22920394146307082982009-08-07T13:45:00.000-07:002009-08-07T14:02:34.005-07:0010 hours till my 42nd birthday<br />2 years since this blog began<br />1 lifetime since then<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/2921659633761683901-2292039414630708298?l=200days.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>SaElWahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00448291289965853294noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2921659633761683901.post-12381342667888104732009-08-04T12:34:00.000-07:002009-08-04T12:58:55.463-07:00sigh<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/2921659633761683901-1238134266788810473?l=200days.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>SaElWahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00448291289965853294noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2921659633761683901.post-59038860744485762412007-11-29T21:36:00.000-08:002007-11-29T21:48:15.250-08:0029 days till paradise<br />26 days till christmas<br />10 the number of years my older son completed today<br />8 boys bowling to celebrate 10th completed year<br />4 spares<br />2 the number of frames bowled by the youngest boy (he had to go early as he missed his nap)<br />1 strike<br />that which brings joy is spontaneous and unpredictable<br /><br />the believe that you are special, special enough to bring out 6 friends on a school night, allows your heart to be gracious<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/2921659633761683901-5903886074448576241?l=200days.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>SaElWahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00448291289965853294noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2921659633761683901.post-41418298024905947542007-11-01T20:54:00.000-07:002007-11-01T21:15:21.450-07:00this evening, around midnight--or shall i say tomorrow morning?--begins the cycle of 1 year anniversaries.<br /><br />one year since deranged-estranged husband burst into house demanding to know where my (non-existent) lover was.<br />one year since my underwear were stolen--ostensibly to be tested for said lover's dna.<br />one year since having the locks changed.<br />one year since being physically threatened and personal property taken by force.<br />one year since taking the children and hiding out at a friend's house.<br />one year since the 4 hour phone call between my father and deranged-estranged husband during which the slander campaign against my character began (and continues to this day).<br />one year since filing a restraining order.<br />one year since filing for divorce.<br /><br />one year since the week that redefined my world.<br />as i enter this anniversary week, i find myself involuntarily reliving those moments.<br />palpitating heart.<br />twisted stomach.<br />instantaneous tears.<br />anxiety as i hear cars drive by my house in the middle of the night.<br />waking in the middle of the night just to check on the children.<br />wishing i still had my noisy dog, jack, to warn me of potential intruders.<br /><br />i'm done.<br />i don't want to do this anymore.<br />i will give myself one more night to grieve.<br />tomorrow i shall take a bath (during the darkest of days last year i took sometimes three).<br />drink some sour peach schnapps.<br />crawl under the covers.<br />saturday, i shall arise<br />emerge from my cave of blankets<br />whole.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/2921659633761683901-4141829802490594754?l=200days.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>SaElWahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00448291289965853294noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2921659633761683901.post-80077920474959168332007-10-04T20:58:00.000-07:002007-10-04T21:06:04.704-07:00<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_jyPNktF1EGk/RwW2o60BylI/AAAAAAAAAAM/lYr934jIUUU/s1600-h/pumpkin10407.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5117697365674936914" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_jyPNktF1EGk/RwW2o60BylI/AAAAAAAAAAM/lYr934jIUUU/s400/pumpkin10407.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><div>the vine on which this pumpkin grows showed up on the side of my house early this summer.</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>rather than pull it out--competition for my newly planted peonies--i decided to let it grow.</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>after countless unfertilized blossoms came and went i first saw this pumpkin on late summer's day in august.</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>i've been feeding it water for the few weeks and it has grown plump.</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>when the boys return from their international free for all, we will harvest and carve it.</div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/2921659633761683901-8007792047495916833?l=200days.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>SaElWahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00448291289965853294noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2921659633761683901.post-5570154120581707982007-07-23T15:53:00.000-07:002007-07-23T16:02:52.118-07:0031 days since my divorce was final<br /><br />17 days til i see my boys again<br /><br />16 days til my 40th bday<br /><br />16 days til i start my new job<br /><br />2 days since i turned on the tv<br /><br />the silence of freedom can be deafening<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/2921659633761683901-557015412058170798?l=200days.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>SaElWahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00448291289965853294noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2921659633761683901.post-91488248915494425602007-03-01T18:57:00.000-08:002007-03-01T19:01:09.464-08:00160 days 'till my 40th bday<br /><br />112 days since i filed for divorce<br /><br />5 days since launch of latest offensive by offensive not-soon-enough-to-be-ex-husband<br /><br />4 days spent crying<br /><br />the inside of my eyelids feel like sandpaper<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/2921659633761683901-9148824891549442560?l=200days.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>SaElWahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00448291289965853294noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2921659633761683901.post-7181421932544334242007-02-19T21:51:00.000-08:002007-02-19T22:16:34.562-08:00$41,856 salary paid by school district to new hire--with masters degree--with six years of prior service<br />$31,392 prior number prorated to 75%<br /><br />$36,336 salary currently received by school district during seventh year of service--with masters degree<br />$27,252 prior number prorated to 75%<br /><br />$17,170 2007 federal poverty guideline for 48 contiguous states for family of 3<br /><br />$5,520 difference between new hire salary and current salary<br />$4,140 prior number prorated to 75%<br /><br />170 days 'till my 40th bday<br /><br />75% FTE my school district contract<br /><br />my $4,140 anger has been squelched by a profound $17,170 sadness<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/2921659633761683901-718142193254433424?l=200days.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>SaElWahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00448291289965853294noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2921659633761683901.post-67885913637656074612007-02-12T20:59:00.000-08:002007-02-07T16:20:31.043-08:00177 day 'till my 40th bday<br /><br />95 days since i filed for divorce<br /><br />67 daffodils emerging in front garden<br /><br />37 days 'till vernal equinox<br /><br />24 hours 'till next predicted snowfall<br /><br />hope grows slowly, almost imperceptibly, like the length of day as spring approaches<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/2921659633761683901-6788591363765607461?l=200days.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>SaElWahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00448291289965853294noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2921659633761683901.post-18138344228076778562007-02-05T22:36:00.000-08:002007-02-05T22:50:34.187-08:00183 days 'till my 40th bday<br /><br />40 minutes of exquisite napping in my friend's new recliner<br /><br />25 days since her 40th bday after which she gave herself permission to buy said recliner<br /><br />4 the number of little boys unsuccessfully being quiet so as not to disturb nap<br /><br />1 ounce of liquid vitamins full of B-12 and other good things to stave off depression<br /><br />love is measurable, but the units are unpredictable<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/2921659633761683901-1813834422807677856?l=200days.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>SaElWahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00448291289965853294noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2921659633761683901.post-65733275268762869682007-02-03T17:57:00.000-08:002007-02-03T18:13:59.089-08:00185 days 'till my 40<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" onclick="BLOG_clickHandler(this)">th</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" onclick="BLOG_clickHandler(this)">bday</span><br /><br />6 days 'till impending deadline<br /><br />5 number of times rescue <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">inhalor</span> used today<br /><br />4 number of career building opportunities missed in last 2 weeks<br /><br />3 number of girl friends that have moved away<br /><br />2 number of hours spent creating "favorites" play list<br /><br />1 number of movies seen in last 5 (or is it 6?) months<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/2921659633761683901-6573327526876286968?l=200days.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>SaElWahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00448291289965853294noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2921659633761683901.post-17880291656178600522007-02-01T22:13:00.000-08:002007-02-01T22:25:54.950-08:00187 day 'till my 40th bday<br /><br />15 number of days since temporary orders hearing<br /><br />4 number of 3rd grade homework pages assigned today<br /><br />2 children pumped on caffeine after dinner with their father<br /><br />2 number of child support payments due since temporary orders hearing<br /><br />1 number of 3rd grade homework pages completed while under the attentive care of their father this afternoon<br /><br />1 number of kindergarten homework pages assigned today<br /><br />0 number of kindergarten homework pages completed while under the attentive care of their father this afternoon<br /><br />0 number of child support payments received since temporary orders hearing<br /><br />0 number of times father has lived up to the promises made in temporary orders hearing<br /><br />0 number of people surprised<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/2921659633761683901-1788029165617860052?l=200days.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>SaElWahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00448291289965853294noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2921659633761683901.post-36482054747190839742007-01-25T16:09:00.000-08:002007-01-25T16:21:12.890-08:00391 the number of words in the email that finally broke the policy of non-response<br /><br />194 days 'till my 40th bday<br /><br />23 the number of harassing emails endured in silence--that's 1 every 3.65 days<br /><br />19 periods<br /><br />16 commas<br /><br />6 dashes<br /><br />1 hyphen<br /><br />silence may be golden, but forever swallowing your bile can give you esophageal cancer.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/2921659633761683901-3648205474719083974?l=200days.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>SaElWahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00448291289965853294noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2921659633761683901.post-74501862259476587312007-01-23T19:48:00.000-08:002007-01-23T20:10:56.847-08:00196 days 'till my 40th birthday<br /><br />76 days since i filed for divorce--i wonder on what day these two will equalize--maybe they never will. maybe the divorce will be final before then. hopefully.<br /><br />30 seconds the distance (in time) between me and tears at any given moment.<br /><br />17 days 'till the next deadline. may it pass quietly.<br /><br />9 years 189 days since i was married by a woman named "Ninfa"--that was really her name.<br /><br />2 the number of failed attempts to write an algebraic equation to determine the equalization date.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/2921659633761683901-7450186225947658731?l=200days.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>SaElWahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00448291289965853294noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2921659633761683901.post-82472413816666471952007-01-22T21:03:00.000-08:002007-01-22T21:10:10.500-08:00197 days 'till my 40th bday<br /><br />104.5 degrees my friend's brother-in-law's temperature after being submitted to the hospital<br /><br />40 my friend's brother-in-law's blood pressure shortly before his temperature skyrocketed<br /><br />3.5 number of limbs my friend's brother-in-law lost control of after a massive stroke<br /><br />3 number of years ago my friend's brother-in-law had his stroke<br /><br />this vessel is more fragile than we'd like to think<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/2921659633761683901-8247241381666647195?l=200days.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>SaElWahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00448291289965853294noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2921659633761683901.post-86195892715346539322007-01-20T19:15:00.000-08:002007-01-20T19:38:33.441-08:00199 days 'till my 40th bday<br /><br />44 number of cuts in my friend's leg following surgery<br /><br />7 number of boys running around my house today to celebrate the 6th birthday (including my 2)<br /><br />6 number to times i hit the snooze alarm this morning<br /><br />4 text messages from a train en route to new york city<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/2921659633761683901-8619589271534653932?l=200days.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>SaElWahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00448291289965853294noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2921659633761683901.post-56640785732235543322007-01-19T14:45:00.000-08:002007-01-19T15:14:06.516-08:00200 days 'till my 40th bday<br /><br />72 days since i filed for divorce<br /><br />4 days since i looked at my 9 year old son lying unconscious on the ground and believed he was dead<br />(in the end he had a concussion and a broken clavicle)<br /><br />1 day 'till my younger son's 6th bday<br /><br />4 things to be grateful for<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/2921659633761683901-5664078573223554332?l=200days.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>SaElWahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00448291289965853294noreply@blogger.com0